Thursday, July 30, 2009

loss

the feeling of loss
makes me want to cross
the deep blue.

not knowing how to let go
or guess when I'll know
the time of grief is over.

is it silly of me
to be
so sad from the non-human loss?

been with me for 12 years
not sure how to move on or clear
my mind of this sorrow

days seem to be better
but nights are bitter
at the thought of losing him

the grief
comes from my misbelief
that he's gone

knowing he'll never return
makes my heart ache and burn
and feeling bad as it does

what makes it worse is my guilt
for not having been with him during me stint
of seven weeks

before he got sick
and left me so quick
into the afterlife

can't understand
why its so hard to make mends
with the decision we made

to put him to sleep
because the pain is so deep
from the emptiness in my heart

from having loved him so dear
never thinking the end was that near
and hoping his life

would have been longer
but knowing that I must be stronger
to move past the sadness

and accept that he's gone
because it would be wrong
if i could not pass this stage

and move on to the acceptance phase
so that i can have the days
where i only remember the happy memories

of the happiness he brought
and how hard he fought
to the very end

to give me the chance
to hold him in my arms for a hug and one last glance
before needing to say goodbye

and hoping i'll get to see
him in the afterlife as they say we'll be
together after crossing the Rainbow Bridge