Why?

I wrote this for a friend who wasn't able to express their own feelings to their significant other

Why do you say you love me

But show me only anger?

Why do you say you want me

But throw me away like rubbish?

Why do you say I’m your one and only

But seek comfort from other people?

Many years have come and gone

And yet I am still here

Standing by your side

Covering your weaknesses

Accepting your habits

Looking the other way when you falter

Many years have come and gone

And yet I have not left

Standing here, my feet held still in my steps

Covering my sadness

Accepting the shame

Looking at the lifestyle you have chosen

Many years have come and gone

And I’m not sure who has changed

Standing here I question whether it was you or me

Covering my confusion

Accepting the blame

Looking at the clues that could have lead me wrong

I don’t know where you’ve gone

Why have you left me

To feel alone in this cold world

To feel less than decent

To feel not worthy of your love

I don’t know if my judgment was blinded

Why are you so different from what I first saw?

To be the complete opposite of what I know

To be angry and cold

To be selfish and demanding

I don’t know if you are the one

Why have you gone from love 

To hate for me

To hold me responsible for your unhappiness

To push me away and live life without me

I’m confused

I’m hurt

I’m pained

By your indifference

By your neglect

By your anger

I only seek the love we once shared

I think back at what I thought we had

I hold onto hope that this is just a painful phase

We had a love so strong

We found our soul mate

We promised to be there for each other forever

Now, we grow further apart

Now, we share the same home but live two different lives

Now, we go out to enjoy company with others

And it leaves me wondering what went wrong

What did I do

That made you this way

What did I say

That pushed you away

Why can’t we work this out?

Is it too much to ask?

I just want us back

I just want us together

I just want us forever

Loneliness

Loneliness is a terrible thing

It eats away at you inside

Slowly but surely

What ultimately results is sadness

And the feeling of uselessness

Even when you have a million friends

You can feel lonely

You can pretend to be happy

And fool the world

But ultimately, you will not fool yourself

And in trying to do so,

The feeling of loneliness enhances

And your life continues in the road of sadness

You begin to note

The few times you are truly happy

You begin to wonder

The reason for living

You begin to think about

The reason why you are here

You begin to question

Why you should remain

Loneliness becomes deeply engrained

In every part of your body

Loneliness becomes your ultimate

Push to sadness and depression

Loneliness becomes the reason

Why you lose all interest in life

Loneliness becomes the death of you

Dear John

You are the world to me

Ever since the first day I laid eyes on you

Your eyes saw through me like x-ray vision

When you said “hello”

Your voice melted me like butter

You brought me flowers

Wooing me like a love sick child

Every move slick like ice

Amazing me with your silky skin and shiny hair

You came and swept me off my feet like I’ve dreamt for years

Of my knight in shining armor coming to rescue me

And bringing me the life of happily ever after

That was the olden days

Now years have passed

And I’m now “your woman”

Like I’m some prize you won at the carnival

Throwing coins at the glass plates

Living life like your little robot

Only doing what you tell me to do

Cooking, cleaning and drying your dishes

Like I’m seven years old

A little child that can’t go out

But rather stay home like a trapped butterfly

You wine and dine your friends

Bragging about how you can tame

Any woman that comes down your lane

As if we’re just wild horses

Just waiting on the hills

For someone to come ride us

You treat me like dirt

Kicking me to the curb

Just some sand you picked up from the beach

And bottled me away

Now sitting in some dark corner

Collecting dust

Sitting here, dreaming of yesterdays

And how my friends

Warned me about you

About your playing ways

They told me about all those stories

Of other women

But I didn’t want to hear

Because I was memorized by your charm

And strong arms

And I just told them they were jealous

That I found my boo

The one that will give me everything

Now you yell at me like I’m some

Child waiting to me scolded

As if I’ve done something wrong

Every second of my life

I wait in the dark

Afraid that once again your wrath will come

When you come home

And I realized, this is the life I chose

To be with you

Thinking all my good fortunes have come

Like I was Cinderella

And you were the one that

Would give me the world

Only I was wrong and your words have become like

Venom in my blood

Killing me softly

Your strong touch now bruises on my skin

From when I pull away and you

Take me into your arms and give me what I deserve

For being ungrateful

And undeserving of the life you’ve given me

These bruises

Testament to the life I chosen

Like I entered some horror flick

Where I’m the helpless girl that dies at the end

I woke up this morning

Again, yelling with tears

And sweat dripping down my face

Like I was sick with fever

And I realized,

It’s time

For me to take my life back

It’s time to end this horror flick

Where I’m the independent woman

That saves myself in the end

Not waiting for another knight

To sweep me off my feet

So, this is goodbye

You see my Dear John

I’ve come to my senses 

And I’m leaving you behind

While giving myself a new life

I don’t need you John

Now it’s time to heal myself

And begin living life the way I should have lived

Before I ever met you

Free

From the pain and chains

No more fears

No more tears

No more bruises on my skin

Wanna Man

Every so often I think about what kind of man 

It is that I really want 

After all, there are plenty of fish in the sea 

So why can't one of them be with me? 

Every so often I sit down to think of a plan 

On how to get the perfect man 

Then one day the thoughts just began 

Building in my mind - moving van after moving van 

So I sat down to make this list over a soda can 

And I thought, I wanna man 

That'll hold me tight 

Night after night 

I wanna man that'll sing to me softly 

And tell me that I'm al-ways right 

I wanna man that'll remember my name 

Day after day who isn't lame or insane 

I wanna man that can't forget my name 

Calling me Roxanne, Diane or Joanne 

Because my man needs to know 

That my name makes me who I am 

I wanna man who doesn't live in a tin can 

Who isn't that over zealous sports fan 

Who won't pay me any attention  

I wanna man that'll whisper in my ears 

Tells me he cares 

Who wipes away my tears 

And takes away all my fears 

I wanna man who doesn't drink straight out of the a milk can 

Or belches to make himself a bigger man 

I wanna man who isn't afraid of a woman 

Who pursues her dreams to be more than 

The person every one thinks she can 

I wanna man that knows I make him a better man 

Who doesn't take me for granted 

Who doesn't think I'll be the housewife 

For the remainder of my life 

I wanna man who knows I can 

Do anything I put my mind to 

Who doesn't hold me down 

Because he thinks the man 

Should be the one that brings home the bacon 

I wanna man that'll be there for me 

That isn't afraid of me being free 

I wanna man that knows I don't need a man 

Because I just wanna man

Untitled

There comes a time 

When life isn't worth a dime 

In my eyes I see the world of hatred 

Nothing is sacred 

And I begin to wonder what's the point to living 

When life seems so trifling 

With all the pain 

My heart and soul are stained 

With doubt and wonder 

As I continue to ponder 

Why I am here 

In this world with so many tears and fear

Sweep

I dreamt of true love. 

To have someone sweep me off my feet. 

I hoped to have my knight in shining armor one day save me from pain and sorrow. 

To take my breath away with just one kiss. 

Embrace me in his arms, 

And love me for all eternity. 

When I wake up from my dream, I realize how foolish I am to think that I can depend on someone else to make my life different. 

To make my life whole or complete. 

For my life to change - I need to realize that I must first want to change and be a better person for myself. 

Only then will I see true happiness in my heart.

Lonely Life

Have you ever wondered why 

No matter how hard you try 

Life just never gives a break, 

But only continues to forsake? 

One day there's happiness 

And the next is sad 

And no matter how much time seems to go by... 

Life only brings me to back 

To Loneliness...